World War 3: Mother vs. Daughter

So, I'm in a bit of a foul mood today, and have been since yesterday. But first, let's start with the positive...

I believe I had mentioned that we were in the process of re-financing our mortgage to consolidate high interest loans / credit cards and have everything on one payment. Well, that process is complete! My name is now on the mortgage and the land title (I wasn't before) and thus I officially own half our land and half our mortgage... I think one of those is a good thing. ;) All our loans are getting paid out - I'm mailing some of the more obscure ones today. And... drum roll please... we may be going vehicle shopping tomorrow! We've had our eye on a mini-van in Edmonton for a couple weeks now, but couldn't do anything until our finances got sorted out. Well, they are 95% sorted out and we don't want to lose that van, as it is exactly what we are looking for with a lot less mileage than we were expecting to be able to afford. It's a 2000 Ford Windstar SEL Limited - the "limited" is the key... that is the top of the line when it comes to Ford mini-vans and includes things like power doors, leather seats, etc. There are very few available in the province that fall into our price range. We knew we'd be getting an early 2000's model and were expecting 120,000 - 150,000 km's... this one only has 79,000 km's! I have all my fingers and toes crossed that JB can get the day off tomorrow and that the van is still on the lot.

Okay, that was a happy blurb. Now for the not-so-happy portion of my rant...

It seems I've managed to instigate WW3... mind you, it seems like it was only a matter of time before this happened. I don't remember if I ever told you girls (and guy if Matt is reading) about the *fun* I experienced with my Mum when planning our wedding reception. The long and short of that story is that my Mum hosted her wedding reception - JB and I were told that's how the reception was going to be run, and she didn't care what we did with his family (and we were told this in no uncertain terms). So, knowing that story, you may have some insight into what my mother is like... I love her, but some days she is very trying. Anyways, back to WW3...

Mum and I were having a nice little chat yesterday evening until I mentioned that she should keep the evening of August 11th open. "Why?" she asked, "Is that your baby shower?" When I said, yes, she proceeded to tell me that was not good because she only likes and has been to baby showers after the baby is born so that people can see the baby and pass the baby around. She also said, and I quote, "I know it's not something people like to think about, but what if something happens to baby?" to which I replied that I would return the gifts (I was getting pretty upset at this point). We finished our conversation, but she called back 5 minutes later to tell me that she would host a shower after baby is born and that all I would have to do is show up with baby... and that I should think about it.

This morning she sent me an email that I was expecting but at the bottom was tacked on, "I do hope you reconsider the date of your baby shower." At this point, I was quite upset as I am honestly tired of her trying to run events in my life without any consideration of what I might want or without any consideration of anyone else involved in the event besides herself. So, I probably shouldn't have emailed back due to the high emotions involved, but I did. Here's how the short sequence of emails went:

Me: "Seeing as how I know you will likely be as persistent with this as you were with our wedding reception, you can host a baby shower with [our] family members after Baby is born. I will leave the planning up to you, but I ask that you check with me about the date before-hand to see how I'm feeling. I will still be having a shower in August with my friends and JB's family."

Mum: "OK, forget it. Don't bother sending me an invitation. We will not be coming, and I will not be hosting a shower for you either. I've already given you a gift, so there's not point attending. You are very rude."

Me: "I apologize if I came across as rude but I know from experience that this will not get dropped until you get the shower to happen after the Baby is born. I do appreciate very much the fact that you were willing to host a shower at your house and take care of the planning. I just know from talking to other new mom's that things can be very overwhelming during the months after Baby arrives and that is perhaps the biggest reason that I had planned on having the shower before hand, as many people do. If you still would like to host a shower in late September/early October, that would be very nice and I will help however I can. However, if you don't want to host one, that is okay as well - it is entirely up to you. Again, I apologize if the tone of my email was not as friendly as it should have been - it was not intended to come across that way."

Mum: "I will not be hosting a shower for you regardless of the date. Do as you wish."

*sigh* And that's where things sit as of now. I'm still having the baby shower, as planned, on August 11th, but the guest list will be cut down and will be people that I want to be there (not my entire extended family). I am so tired of trying to constantly please my Mum, as there really is no winning there. I'm going to keep my distance and let her cool down. I emailed my Dad in Saudi to let him know what's going on and share my side of the story with him, so that he doesn't only get Mum's version.

I probably was rude in that first email, but quite honestly, I'm not entirely sad about this entire situation. Yes, dealing with my mother for the next while will be very stressful (she tends to hold grudges and bring up things you did years ago as ammo), but she cannot continue to think that she is going to run every major event in my life.

I don't want the shower after Baby Bee is born because I don't know how overwhelmed by everything I'll be feeling. I've talked with some recent new moms who had planned on having a shower after baby was born, only to change her mind because of all the turmoil and change that accompanies becoming a new mother. But, my Mum doesn't care what your reasons are if you don't have the same opinion she does. That is a lesson I learned many years ago.

I don't know what I expect you guys to say, I just needed to vent. The past day and a half has been very, very stressful. I think I'm going to bed now... I need a good night's sleep.