Comments & My 'Free Fall' Writing Sample:

Firstly, contrary to what the little bar at the top of my blog says right now, Baby Bee does not keep me up or wake me up at night... yet! According to my doctor and the ultrasound tech, s/he sure does wiggle though!

In my earlier post I forgot to mention that my lower back / hip pain seems to be getting worse for the time being. It is still most painful when I'm lying down (ie: trying to sleep) and transitioning from being upright to lying down. However, today I was in moderate pain sitting at my desk. As this was the first time I've had pain while sitting/standing, I hope I just twisted wrong and that part will go away. I don't expect the lying down pain to go away any time soon. :'(

So, my writing sample... At the women's conference I attended a session on "Creative Journaling" and during that session we did a "free fall" writing exercise. We were given 7 minutes in which we had to write continuously about anything that came to mind. We had 30 seconds to muse and then start writing, but after that our pens basically did not leave the paper. There was music for a source of inspiration if needed. As I seem to have a one-track mind lately (focused on the pregnancy) inspiration wasn't required. Here's what I came up with...

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Baby Bee. My little honeybee. So tiny and fragile. So full of hopes and dreams and untainted by the world around. I want the world that you see to be one filled with love and hope and joy and promise. I fear that when you open your beautiful eyes for the first time you will not see the love and beauty that I wish for you. I fear you will see a world filled with selfishness, hatred, pettiness, crime, war, fear, and death. You will be changed. You won't be the 'perfect' untouched being in my womb. You will be tainted by the world. Will you see past the hatred and the fear? Will the crime and war give you sleepless nights?

Or will you see the beauty that exists within nature and the hearts of your parents? In this dark world a rose still blooms. You are my rose. You are the beauty in my world. You help me see past the fear and hatred. Beyond the war and death. Beyond the ugliness to a world of such beauty and love that it brings tears to my eyes. I love you, Baby Bee and I hope you love me too.

Why I can't I feel you move within me yet? It is time, so they say. I thought I felt you once and I was so amazed that my very breath seemed to catch in my throat. But I have not felt you since. Perhaps you are there moving and I just cannot recognize that it is you. It is the rose that parts the clouds on a rainy day. It is my love. It is my Baby Bee. The world isn't all dark.