Feeling blue...

I wish I "felt" pregnant. Other than missing that monthly joy, I don't really have anything telling me that I'm pregnant (if that makes any sense). I was lucky enough to be in the 25% of women that don't experience any morning sickness (nausea - yes, actual sickness - no)... had some heartburn, but that's gone for the time being. Thus, I just generally feel tired... probably feels like a minor case of mono right now.

I haven't heard the baby's heartbeat yet... I should at my doctor's appointment next week (Wednesday). If I don't... I will start to worry (my doctor told me not to worry at the last one when we didn't hear it, due to only being 11.5 weeks along at that time). I haven't felt the baby move, and more than likely won't until 18-20 weeks along. So, at this point in time, my pregnancy just doesn't seem *real*.

The only thing that is feeling *real* right now is the stress I'm feeling relating to the monetary aspect of bringing a child into this world! I was in tears last night over that topic. I feel like it's my fault that money is going to be tight when I'm not working... and it is largely my fault - I have a huge student loan that is now JB's burden. To me, that doesn't seem fair to him. Plus, my tax return this year is a lot lower than previous years... I really liked my tax returns when I was a student, or at least when I still had federal tax (education) credits to use up - this year I am using the last of my provincial tax credits which doesn't make a whole lot of difference on a tax return since Alberta's tax rate is so low and the personal limit is so high. But, I guess it's better than owing money.

So, I've been feeling very "normal" these past couple weeks - no nausea, no heartburn, and more energy (though still slightly tired) than before. Welcome to the second trimester! I even have a spring cleaning schedule for April in hopes of getting my house back being presentable... it is a disgusting mess right now, as I haven't had the energy to do anything since January. :)

Toys R' Us moved (within the same mall) and recently opened their new store in town... it is gorgeous! They opened a *huge* Babies R' Us section... probably 4 times bigger than previously existed. I love it! Now, if only I had money to spend there...